Must A Aspiring Influencer Pal Cease Using Me for Material?

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?